Category: Email Forwards
Mother of the Year 2010
What Does a Woman really want?
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved
by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom,
as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would
have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still
had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question was: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better
than death, He accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by
year’s end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess,
the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester.. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people
advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the
answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout
the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk
to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to
agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur
was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth,
Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He
refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with
Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to
Arthur’s life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a
wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered.
Arthur’s question thus: ‘What a woman really wants?’
She said, ‘Is to be in charge of her own life.’
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth. And that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it was.
The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and
the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited
him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the
bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she
appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed
self only half the time.. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
‘Which would you prefer? She asked him. ‘Beautiful during the day ….
or at night?’
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his
friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?
(If you are a man reading this…) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What should YOUR MAN’S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT… make YOUR choice before you scroll down below… OKAY?
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his
question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of
her own life.
Now…. what is the moral to this story?
The moral is…..
1) There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
So, always remember:
IT’S EITHER ‘HER WAY’ OR IT’S ‘NO WAY’
THIS IS JUST AWESOME !!! MUST WATCH IT, BUT BEFORE WATCHING PLS READ BELOW:
This video shows the winner of “Ukraine’s Got Talent”, Kseniya Simonova, 24, drawing a series of pictures on an illuminated sand table showing how ordinary people were affected by the German invasion during World War II. Her talent, which admittedly is a strange one, is mesmeric to watch.
The images, projected onto a large screen, moved many in the audience to tears and she won the top prize of about £75,000.
She begins by creating a scene showing a couple sitting holding hands on a bench under a starry sky, but then warplanes appear and the happy scene is obliterated.
It is replaced by a woman’s face crying, but then a baby arrives and the woman smiles again. Once again war returns and Miss Simonova throws the sand into chaos from which a young woman’s face appears.
She quickly becomes an old widow, her face wrinkled and sad, before the image turns into a monument to an Unknown Soldier.
This outdoor scene becomes framed by a window as if the viewer is looking out on the monument from within a house.
In the final scene, a mother and child appear inside and a man standing outside, with his hands pressed against the glass, saying goodbye.
The Great Patriotic War, as it is called in Ukraine, resulted in one in four of the population being killed with eight to 11 million deaths out of a population of 42 million.
Kseniya Simonova says: “I find it difficult enough to create art using paper and pencils or paintbrushes, but using sand and fingers is beyond me. The art, especially when the war is used as the subject matter, even brings some audience members to tears. And there’s surely no bigger compliment.”
Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions
Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn’t work at zero gravity (ink won’t flow down to the writing surface).
To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do…?? They used a pencil.
Case 2
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one ofJapan ‘s biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty.
Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution.
He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.
Moral :
Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.
What Ratan Tata did for the Mumbai victims…. Don’t miss!!!!!!
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10 most Stupid Questions & Funny Answers
Here are the 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.
Many of you might have already experienced few of these situations.
Next time someone asks you these questions, you can answer them as given below:
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends…
Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Funny Answer: Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here.
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Funny Answer: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia. Why don’t you try again?
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Funny Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter…
Stupid Question: Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good?
Funny Answer: No, its terrible and made of adulterated stuff. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years…
Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Funny Answer: Well, you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask.
Stupid Question: Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Funny Answer: No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout… It’s just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question: Sorry, were you sleeping?
Funny Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping? You dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?
Funny Answer: No, its autumn and I’m shedding….
9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?
Funny Answer: No it won’t. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.
Funny Answer: Gosh, it’s a miracle. It was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!
A gossip between a passenger and Software Engineer in a train
Vivek Pradhan was not a happy man.. Even the plush comfort of the air-conditioned compartment of the Shatabdi express could not cool his  frayed nerves. He was the Project Manager and still not entitled to air travel. It was not the prestige he sought, he had tried to reason with the admin person, it was the savings in time. As PM, he had so many things to do!!
He opened his case and took out the laptop, determined to put the time to some good use.
‘Are you from the software industry sir?’ the man beside him was staring appreciatively at the laptop. Vivek glanced briefly and mumbled in affirmation, handling the laptop now with exaggerated care and importance as if it were an expensive car.
‘You people have brought so much advancement to the country, Sir.
Today everything is getting computerized.’
‘Thanks,’ smiled Vivek, turning around to give the man a look. He always found it difficult to resist appreciation. The man was young and stockily built like a sportsman….. He looked simple and strangely out of place in that little lap of luxury like a small town boy in a prep school. He probably was a railway sportsman making the most of his free traveling pass.
‘You people always amaze me,’ the man continued, ‘You sit in an office and write something on a computer and it does so many big things outside.’
Vivek smiled deprecatingly. Naiveness demanded reasoning not anger. ‘It is not as simple as that my friend. It is not just a question of writing a few lines. There is a lot of process that goes behind it.’
For a moment, he was tempted to explain the entire Software Development Lifecycle but restrained himself to a single statement.
‘It is complex, very complex.’
‘It has to be. No wonder you people are so highly paid,’ came the reply.
This was not turning out as Vivek had thought. A hint of belligerence crept into his so far affable, persuasive tone.
‘Everyone just sees the money. No one sees the amount of hard work we have to put in. Indians have such a narrow concept of hard work. Just because we sit in an air-conditioned office, does not mean our brows do not sweat. You exercise the muscle; we exercise the mind and believe me that is no less taxing.’
He could see, he had the man where he wanted, and it was time to drive home the point.
‘Let me give you an example. Take this train. The entire railway reservation system is computerized. You can book a train ticket between any two stations from any of the hundreds of computerized booking centers across the country.
Thousands of transactions accessing a single database, at a time concurrently; data integrity, locking, data security. Do you understand the complexity in designing and coding such a system?’
The man was awestruck; quite like a child at a planetarium. This was something big and beyond his imagination.
‘You design and code such things?’
‘I used to,’ Vivek paused for effect, ‘but now I am the Project Manager.’
‘Oh!’ sighed the man, as if the storm had passed over, ‘so your life is easy now.’
This was like the last straw for Vivek. He retorted, ‘Oh come on, does
life ever get easy as you go up the ladder. Responsibility only brings
more work. Design and coding! That is the easier part. Now I do not do
it, but I am responsible for it and believe me, that is far more stressful. My
job is to get the work done in time and with the highest quality.
To tell you about the pressures, there is the customer at one end,
always changing his requirements, the user at the other, wanting something else, and your boss, always expecting you to have finished it yesterday.’
Vivek paused in his diatribe, his belligerence fading with self-realization. What he had said, was not merely the outburst of a wronged man, it was the truth. And one need not get angry while defending the truth.
‘My friend,’ he concluded triumphantly, ‘you don’t know what it is to be in the Line of Fire’.
The man sat back in his chair, his eyes closed as if in realization.
When he spoke after sometime, it was with a calm certainty that surprised Vivek.
‘I know sir,….. I know what it is to be in the Line of Fire……’
He was staring blankly, as if no passenger, no train existed, just a vast expanse of time. ‘There were 30 of us when we were ordered to capture Point 4875 in the cover of the night.
The enemy was firing from the top.
There was no knowing where the next bullet was going to come from and for whom.
In the morning when we finally hoisted the tri-colour at the top only 4 of us were alive.’
‘You are a…?’
‘I am Subedar Sushant from the 13 J&K Rifles on duty at Peak 4875 in Kargil. They tell me I have completed my term and can opt for a soft assignment.
But, tell me sir, can one give up duty just because it makes life easier?
On the dawn of that capture, one of my colleagues lay injured in the snow, open to enemy fire while we were hiding behind a bunker.
It was my job to go and fetch that soldier to safety. But my captain sahib refused me permission and went ahead himself.
He said that the first pledge he had taken as a Gentleman Cadet was to put the safety and welfare of the nation foremost followed by the safety and welfare of the men he commanded… ….his own personal safety came last, always and every time.’
‘He was killed as he shielded and brought that injured soldier into the bunker.. Every morning thereafter, as we stood guard, I could see him taking all those bullets, which were actually meant for me . I know sir….I know, what it is to be in the Line of Fire.’
Vivek looked at him in disbelief not sure of how to respond. Abruptly, he switched off the laptop.
It seemed trivial, even insulting to edit a Word document in the presence of a man for whom valour and duty was a daily part of life; valour and sense of duty which he had so far attributed only to epical heroes.
The train slowed down as it pulled into the station, and Subedar Sushant picked up his bags to alight.
‘It was nice meeting you sir.’
Vivek fumbled with the handshake.
This hand… had climbed mountains, pressed the trigger, and hoisted the tri-colour. Suddenly, as if by impulse, he stood up at attention and his right hand went up in an impromptu salute….
It was the least he felt he could do for the country.
PS: The incident he narrated during the capture of Peak 4875 is a true-life incident during the Kargil war. Capt. Batra sacrificed his life while trying to save one of the men he commanded, as victory was within sight. For this and various other acts of bravery, he was awarded the Param Vir Chakra, the nation’s highest military award.
Live humbly, there are great people around us, let us learn!
BE POLITE… EVERYONE U MEET IS FIGHTING A HARD BATTLE !
Who should be a world leader
(Mr A)- He had frenship with bad politicians, consults astrologers,2 wives,chain smoker,drinks 8 to 10 a day.
(Mr B)- He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps till noon, used opium in college n drinks whiskey every evening.
(Mr C)- He is a decorated war hero, a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke, drinks an occasional beer n never cheated on his wife.
most of us want C to be the leader.
But,
A is Franklin Roosevelt
B is Winston churchill
C is Hitler!
Why Indians are re-born?
The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said “I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabbana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMW’s instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!”
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The Lord said, “Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.”
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Satan answered the phone, “Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.” Satan returned to the phone, “OK I’m back. What can I do for you?”
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Gabriel replied, “I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.”
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Satan says, “Hold on again. I need to check on something.”
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After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, “I’m back. Now what was the question?”
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Gabriel said, “What kind of problems are you having down there?”
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Satan says, “Man I don’t believe this .. Hold on.”
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This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, “I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now.. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire..fire is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone connection between heaven and hell..I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! Some were trying to start a chai – pakora shop, which I had to stop..I am requesting Lord to send them back on earth as soon as they arrive as re-birthâ€.
(Indians will be Indians..)
So this is the story why Indians are re-born!!!

