Category: Email Forwards

How to recruit your staff?


A corporation advertised all kinds of positions to fill for their new office in a big city, the candidates were selected based on their resume and tested for their aptitude for the positions. 

The corporation put around one hundred baseball balls in some particular order in a closed room with the room window open Then they send a group of two to three candidates of particular discipline into the room and locked it from outside They left them alone and came back after six hours, to analyzed the situation: 

  1. If they were counting and recounting the number of balls – They were hired for the ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT
  2. If they had messed up the whole place with the balls – They were hired for the ENGINEERING
  3. If they were arranging the balls in some other order – They were hired for the PLANNING
  4. If they were throwing the balls at each other – They were hired for the OPERATIONS
  5. If they were sleeping – They were hired for the SECURITY
  6. If they had squashed the balls into pieces – They were hired for the INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY
  7. If they were staring out of the window – They were hired for the EXPORT
  8. If they were sitting idle – They were hired for the HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT
  9. If they had thrown the balls out of the window – They were hired for the MATERIALS DEPT
  10. If they were clinging onto the balls – They were hired for the TREASURY
  11. If they said they had tried different combinations, yet not a ball had moved – They were hired for the SALES
  12. If they had already left for the day – They were hired for the MARKETING and finally
  13. If they were talking to each other and not a ball had moved – They were hired for the TOP MANAGEMENT

What should I do to marry a rich guy


A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and

addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

——————– Now the awesome reply given by Mr.J.P.Morgan, CEO: ———————–

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of ‘beauty’ and ‘money’: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a ‘trading position’. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or ‘leased’. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in ‘leasing’ services, do contact me…

Expansion for Automotive brands


BMW – Brings Me Women

FIAT – Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

FORD – For Only Rough Drivers

HYUNDAI – Hope You Understand Nothing’s Drivable And Inexpensive.

VOLVO –  Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

PORSCHE –  Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

KIA –  Kills In Accidents

OPEL –  Old People Enjoying Life

TOYOTA –  The One You Only Trust, Always

GOLF/GTI –  Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside

HONDA –  Hanged Over, Now Driving Away

Peak of Confidence!!!


A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless  technology: 
 
It is an un-crewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company’s software is running the aircraft’s automatic pilot system. 
 
Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse. 
 
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first un-crewed flight, he replie: 
 
“If it is the same software that’s developed by my company’s IT systems department, this plane won’t even take off.” !!!! 
That is called Confidence!!! 

Never wait to express your LOVE – It might become too late


After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

‘What’s wrong, are you well,’ she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

‘I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,’ I responded. ‘Just two of us.’

She thought about it for a moment, and then said, ‘I would like that very much.’

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.

When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary.

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.

‘I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, ‘she said, as she got into the car. ‘They can’t wait to hear about our meeting’. We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there star ing at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

‘It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,’ she said. ‘Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,’ I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation – nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other’s life.

We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, ‘I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.’ I agreed.

‘How was your dinner date?’ asked my wife when I got home. ‘Very nice.

Much more so than I could have imagined,’ I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have time to do anything for h er.

Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: ‘I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you & the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me.

I love you, son.

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I LOVE YOU!’ and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till ‘some other time.’

Pass this along to everyone with an aging parent, to a friend, to an adult.

Thought for weekend


Who is more responsible?
 
The hand that makes the bomb..
The one that ignites it..
Or the bomb that blasts??
 
Our anger is a bomb that destroys the peace around us.
Let us try not to be the reason of an argument..
Let us avoid from being the one who ignites a fight..
Lets us not be the victim of the bomb of anger..
 
No peace comes from shattered pieces.

Chinese detective humor


Warning: This post consists of some adult materials and if you are below 18 kindly don’t read further.

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese detective… The cheapest one he could find.

This is his report:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he.. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee,
Cheng Lee

Law of the Garbage Truck


One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’ This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. 

Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so….  Love the people who treat you right. Forgive the ones who don’t. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!

Here are some nice Dilbert’s one liners


1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3.   Try & try, if you don’t succeed, then CHEAT

4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can’t convince them, confuse them. 

21. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human; to forgive is not a Company policy.

28. The road to success…. Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

🙂 and here’s the best of the lot 🙂

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else

Ways to improve self-confidence


Here are some quick tips to improve your Self-Confidence. If we are committed to have a healthy self-confidence there are many things you can do every day to boost your self confidence, each small steps that will help you to reach your goal. The good news is that self-esteem is not fixed and can be improved; try some of the steps below to boost your confidence and self-esteem. 

  1. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you’ve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.
  2. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what’s called the “facial feedback theory” suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
  3. Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises adrenaline and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
  4. Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
  5. When you’re feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You’d be surprised at what you can come up with.
  6. Don’t be afraid to push yourself a bit – a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
  7. You can try taking martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
  8. Invest in some new clothing and donate some of your old clothing to send a message to yourself that you both look sharp and feel sharp.
  9. Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can’t do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
  10. Don’t get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points; they can contrast your good points or even give you something to improve. There’s no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
  11. Don’t confuse what you have with who you are. People degrade their self worth when comparing possessions.
  12. Surround yourself with nurturing friends, not overly critical individuals who make you feel inadequate or insecure. This could do great harm and damage to your self confidence.