Tag: family life

Shift in Attachment Patterns


If parenting had a rulebook, I think it would start with one golden line: don’t expect loyalty contracts from kids.

For the first five years, my son was my biggest fan. He backed me blindly — whether I was right, wrong, or just lazy. If I said the sky was green, he’d argue with the whole world to prove it. I secretly enjoyed this “mini-me” support system.

But suddenly, something changed. Slowly, my die-hard supporter began drifting… toward my wife. Now he backs her blindly, just the way he once did for me. At first, I thought it was a passing phase. But no — the boy has switched teams.

Of course, there’s a reason. My wife is the dominant one at home. She sets the rules, decides the flow, and basically runs the show. For a 5-year-old who is figuring out who’s really “in charge,” she looks like the clear captain. And in a child’s mind, siding with the captain is the smartest move.

At first, it stung. I felt like I’d been demoted from “head coach” to “assistant waterboy.” But then I realized — this is just how kids grow. They test attachments, they learn loyalty, they experiment with power. Today he’s Team Mom, tomorrow he might be back on Team Dad, and someday, hopefully, he’ll see us as one team.

Parenting is funny like that. We think we’re raising kids, but half the time, they’re teaching us lessons in patience, ego, and letting go.

So if you’re a parent going through the same — relax. Don’t compete. Build your unique bond. And remember: your kid isn’t rejecting you, he’s just exploring both sides of love.

Because in the end, it’s not about whose side he’s on. It’s about knowing he feels safe on both.

When Parenting Engulfs You: My Silent Struggle Raising Two Young Kids Alone


Finding joy, even in the hardest days.

When people see a smiling parent with a child on each arm, they often think of joy, completeness, and warmth. But behind that photo, there can be stories of exhaustion, frustration, and a kind of loneliness that’s hard to describe.

From the very beginning, even before our second child was born, there were challenges. My in-laws strongly believed that having a second child was a bad idea, and they convinced my wife the same. Every time there’s an argument between us now, this topic comes back: that she didn’t fully analyze the challenges ahead. It makes me angry because, in my heart, I always believed I didn’t want to raise a single pampered child. I wanted my first child to have a sibling, a lifelong companion. This decision was never just about me — it was about building a family with deeper bonds, even if it meant going through harder days.

From the day my second child was born, life changed completely. We had no support system. No parents or in-laws stepping in to help, no extended family to call on, no trusted house help to share the load. It was just us, and every day felt like a survival mission.

People often say, “it takes a village to raise a child.” With my first child, I had that village. My in-laws supported us, and those memories felt like heaven — a beautiful, light-filled chapter of parenting. But with my second child, that village was gone. I became everything: the caretaker, the cook, the cleaner, the comforter, the entertainer, the teacher. From sleepless nights to endless school preparations, every moment demanded my full energy and presence.

In the process, my professional life took a huge hit. I went into procrastination because of constant mind fog. Work deadlines felt heavier, focus slipped away, and important opportunities quietly passed me by. My business struggled, and while outsiders only saw the missed targets and failures, they didn’t see the mental battles and emotional exhaustion that led me there.

At home, the constant focus on the kids created a silent gap with my spouse. Conversations turned into pure logistics: who would handle which meltdown. The small, loving moments that kept our bond alive quietly faded, replaced by stress and quiet resentment.

Yet despite all the anxiety, frustration, and helplessness, I cherished every moment with my second child. Even in the chaos, I found joy. I built precious memories, laughed through exhaustion, and watched my child grow closely every single day. It truly felt like a heaven inside a hell — beautiful moments glowing in the middle of struggle and darkness.

With support, those years could have been even better, perhaps closer to the lightness I experienced with my first child. But despite everything, I wouldn’t trade those moments for anything.

Parenting is beautiful, but when done alone and without support, it can swallow you whole. If you’re going through this, I want you to know: you’re not alone. You deserve understanding, you deserve support, and you deserve to cherish those beautiful moments without the heavy weight of judgment.