Tag: friendships

Why Our Parents Kept Friends for Life… and We Didn’t


I was thinking about something recently.

In my dad’s generation, I rarely heard of “friend breakups.”

He had a strong circle.
He stayed in touch with almost all of them.

Only one friend disappeared from his life.
Not because of ego.
Not because of misunderstanding.

But because that friend lost his son in his mid-50s…
He went into depression…
And slowly cut himself off from everyone.

My dad tried to find him.
But he became unreachable.

That was the only “lost friendship” story I heard.

Even after my dad passed away 12 years back,
his friends still call us…
check on us…
stay connected.

That bond didn’t end with him.

My mother’s story is even more surprising.

She grew up in a time when:

  • Landline phones were rare
  • Calls were expensive
  • No WhatsApp
  • No social media
  • Women had very limited freedom after marriage

Still…

After 20+ years, she reconnected with her school friends.
And now they are all in regular touch.

She says only a handful are missing.
Most are still connected.

No breakups.
No “we stopped talking.”

Now I look at my generation.

And I see something very different.

We have:

  • Mobile phones
  • Unlimited calls
  • WhatsApp, Instagram, LinkedIn
  • Video calls
  • Everything is instant

But still…

We lose people.

I have lost many close friends in my lifetime.
Not one. Not two. Many.

And I see the same pattern everywhere.

People drifting.
People disconnecting.
People breaking friendships.

So what changed?

1. Earlier: Fewer People, Deeper Bonds

Our parents had limited circles.
So they invested deeply in those few relationships.

We have hundreds of contacts.
But very few deep connections.

When options increase… value per relationship reduces.

2. Earlier: Ego Was Controlled by Need

They needed relationships.

Today, we can replace people easily.

One misunderstanding…
Instead of fixing it, we move on.

3. Earlier: Effort Was High → Value Was High

To stay in touch:

  • Write letters
  • Wait weeks
  • Make expensive calls

So they valued relationships.

Today:

  • One message is enough
  • But we don’t even send that

Ease has reduced emotional investment.

4. Today: We Expect Too Much

We expect:

  • Instant replies
  • Perfect understanding
  • Alignment in thinking

If someone doesn’t match…
We silently step away.

5. Life Complexity Has Increased

Career, money, stress, responsibilities…

Everyone is running.

Friendships are no longer a priority.
They become optional.

6. We Don’t Repair. We Replace.

This is the biggest shift.

Earlier:

They repaired relationships.

Today:

We replace people.

My Realisation

We think technology will keep us connected.

But connection is not about tools.

It is about:

  • effort
  • patience
  • tolerance
  • forgiveness

Our parents had less access…
But more commitment.

We have full access…
But less commitment.

Final Thought

Maybe the problem is not time.
Not technology.

Maybe the problem is this:

We gave up on people faster than the previous generation ever did.

The Slow Theft of Youth — And the Silent Rise of Who We Become


There was a time when attraction was simple.

A smile on screen.
A face that stayed in mind.
Crushes that felt real, even if they were distant.

For me, it was names like Raveena Tandon, Bhanu Priya, Simran… they weren’t just actresses, they were emotions of a phase. That phase where life was light, uncomplicated, and filled with small excitements.

Today, something has changed.

Not suddenly. Not dramatically.
But quietly… almost invisibly.

Those things don’t pull me anymore.

And that’s when it hits me —
age doesn’t just add years, it slowly takes away what once mattered.

Friendships too have changed.

Not broken.
Not ended.
Just… distanced.

We still care. We still remember.
But access is gone.

Between children, responsibilities, work, and survival, the space to just “be there” for each other has shrunk.

Earlier, a call meant hours.
Now, even a message waits.

It’s not lack of love.
It’s lack of life bandwidth.

And then comes experience.

The good ones make us smile.
But it’s the not-so-good ones that leave a mark.

Failures. Betrayals. Loss.
Moments where reality hits harder than expectation.

Those are the moments that shape us.

Not gently.
But forcefully.

They start changing how we think…
How we react…
How we trust…

Slowly, piece by piece,
they rebuild us into someone new.

Sometimes I wonder…

Am I becoming better?
Or just becoming different?

Because the person I am today
is not the same kid,
not the same teenager,
not even the same man I thought I would be.

And that realization is both powerful… and uncomfortable.

Age doesn’t just grow us.

It filters us.

It removes illusions.
It reduces noise.
It reshapes identity.

And sometimes…
it quietly takes over who we once were.

But maybe that’s the point.

Maybe life is not about holding on to who we were.

Maybe it’s about accepting
who we are becoming.

From Sleepovers to Missed Calls: Growing Up and Growing Apart


We didn’t grow apart. Life just grew between us.

I come from an era when summer vacations meant stuffing myself with mangoes at cousins’ houses and fighting over who got to sleep next to the window.

Back then, we didn’t need fancy resorts or curated “experiences.” One friend’s terrace and a big steel tiffin box full of lemon rice did the job. We treated our friends’ parents like our own, and their mothers scolded us with such love and ownership, you’d think we came as part of the house package.

We finished our academics around 2000, all wide-eyed and curious about the future.

Some started with direct selling or handing out credit card applications in front of Saravana Stores — anything to avoid asking Appa for bus money.

By 2005, most of us had found jobs. From 2005 to 2012 (the year I got married), we were all busy “swiping right” in real life — running around for alliances, comparing horoscopes, and attending those awkward first meets where coffee tasted like tension.

Then came the kid marathon.
My second child was born in 2019. One of my best buddies, Vignesh, had his kid in 2020 — the final entry in our “Gen 1.0” batch.

Now, we’ve entered a new phase of life.
The same guys who once debated which cricket bat brand was best are now arguing about NEET coaching vs. coding classes.
We’ve moved from cycle races to chasing after school buses in the rain.

We want to hang out, but life says, “Sorry, today is fully booked with PTMs, grocery bills, and last-minute school project hunts.”

Last week, Vignesh came to India after ages. We managed just one hour together, squeezed between his kid’s nap schedule and my quick stop to buy vegetables.

I wanted to pour out my struggles, share my small wins, and dive deep into those “bro talks” that heal more than any medicine. But life had other plans and threw us back into separate lanes before we could even warm up.

We stay connected — thanks to Instagram stories and “Good morning” WhatsApp groups — but the emotional distance? That’s the new unspoken reality.

Looking back, it feels like life pressed the fast-forward button on us. We went from fighting over who would run up and twist the channel dial like we were defusing a bomb — to fighting over time slots in our own calendars.

Sometimes, I wish we could all pause. Sit on that same terrace again. No deadlines, no work calls, no worries about kids’ exams or cholesterol levels.

We grew up together, but somewhere along the way, life grew between us.