Husband V/S Wife

Husband: Do you know the meaning of W I F E?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means, With Idiot For Ever. 

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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new ONE everyday. 

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Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you. 

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Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute.
I asked you to marry me. 

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Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.
So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why Three?
Husband: For you and your parents. 

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Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?
Husband: A lovely Push…!!! 

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Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?
A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again. 

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 
You know, I was a fool when I married you. 
The husband replied, “Yes dear, but I was in love and didn’t noticed.