Identifying different States/Cities in India


Scenario 1: Two guys are  fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on..

That’s MUMBAI!!

Scenario 2: Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.. The first two get together and beat him up..

That’s CHENNAI!!!

Scenario 3: Two guys fighting and third guy comes from a nearby house and says “don’t fight in front of my place, go somewhere else.” 

That’s BANGALORE!!!

Scenario 4: Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer.. All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends..

You are definitely in GOA!!!

Scenario 5: Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.. Now 50 guys are fighting..

You are in PUNJAB!!!

Scenario 6: Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them.. 

You are in BIHAR!!!

Scenario 7: Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and finds if his cast then beat other cast guy..

Then you are in Andhra Pradesh!!!

Ultimate Scenario: Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.. A guy comes along and quietly opens a tea stall there..

That’s KERALA!!!

Wives must be dumb ;)


After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room… it wasn’t there.

Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!!

“Honey,” I stammered; I always call him “honey” in times like these.

“I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.

” There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.

“Idiot”, he shouted, “I dropped you at the hotel !”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

He shouted again, “I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I have not stolen your car.”

Donkey on the WELL!!!


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One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries – Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

WHY WE SHOULD VISIT TEMPLES?


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There are thousands of temples all over India in different size, shape and locations but not all of them are considered to be built the Vedic way. Generally, a temple should be located at a place where earth’s magnetic wave path passes through densely. It can be in the outskirts of a town/village or city, or in middle of the dwelling place, or on a hilltop. The essence of visiting a temple is discussed here.

Now, these temples are located strategically at a place where the positive energy is abundantly available from the magnetic and electric wave distributions of north/south pole thrust. The main idol is placed in the core center of the temple, known as “*Garbhagriha*” or *Moolasthanam*. In fact, the temple structure is built after the idol has been placed. This *Moolasthanam* is where earth’s magnetic waves are found to be maximum. We know that there are some copper plates, inscribed with Vedic scripts, buried beneath the Main Idol. What are they really? No, they are not God’s / priests’ flash cards when they forget the *shlokas*. The copper plate absorbs earth’s magnetic waves and radiates it to the surroundings. Thus a person regularly visiting a temple and walking clockwise around the Main Idol receives the beamed magnetic waves and his body absorbs it. This is a very slow process and a regular visit will let him absorb more of this positive energy. Scientifically, it is the positive energy that we all require to have a healthy life.

Further, the Sanctum is closed on three sides. This increases the effect of all energies. The lamp that is lit radiates heat energy and also provides light inside the sanctum to the priests or *poojaris* performing the pooja. The ringing of the bells and the chanting of prayers takes a worshipper into trance, thus not letting his mind waver. When done in groups, this helps people forget personal problems for a while and relieve their stress. The fragrance from the flowers, the burning of camphor give out the chemical energy further aiding in a different good aura. The effect of all these energies is supplemented by the positive energy from the idol, the copper plates and utensils in the *Moolasthan*am / *Garbagraham*. *Theertham*, the “holy” water used during the pooja to wash the idol is not
plain water cleaning the dust off an idol. It is a concoction of Cardamom,*Karpura* (Benzoin), zaffron / saffron, *Tulsi* (Holy Basil), Clove, etc…Washing the idol is to charge the water with the magnetic radiations thus increasing its medicinal values. Three spoons of this holy water is distributed to devotees. Again, this water is mainly a source of magneto-therapy. Besides, the clove essence protects one from tooth decay, the saffron & *Tulsi* leafs protects one from common cold and cough, cardamom and *Pachha Karpuram* (benzoin), act as mouth fresheners. It is proved that *Theertham* is a very good blood purifier, as it is highly energized. Hence it is given as *prasadam* to the devotees. This way, one can claim to remain healthy by regularly visiting the Temples. This is why our elders used to suggest us to offer prayers at the temple so that you will be cured of many ailments. They were not always superstitious. Yes, in a few cases they did go overboard when due to ignorance they hoped many serious diseases could be cured at temples by deities. When people go to a temple for the *Deepaaraadhana*, and when the doors open up, the positive energy gushes out onto the persons who are there. The water that is sprinkled onto the assemblages passes on the energy to all. This also explains why men are not allowed to wear shirts at a few temples and women are requested to wear more ornaments during temple visits. It is through these jewels (metal) that positive energy is absorbed by the women. Also, it is a practice to leave newly purchased jewels at an idol’s feet and then wear them with the idol’s blessings. This act is now justified after reading this article. This act of “seeking divine blessings” before using any new article, like books or pens or automobiles may have stemmed from this through mere observation.

Energy lost in a day’s work is regained through a temple visit and one is refreshed slightly. The positive energy that is spread out in the entire temple and especially around where the main idol is placed, are simply absorbed by one’s body and mind. Did you know, every Vaishnava(Vishnu devotees), “must” visit a Vishnu temple twice every day in their location. Our practices are NOT some hard and fast rules framed by 1 man and his followers or God’s words in somebody’s dreams. All the rituals, all the practices are, in reality, well researched, studied and scientifically backed thesis which form the ways of nature to lead a good healthy life.

The scientific and research part of the practices are well camouflaged as “elder’s instructions” or “granny’s teaching’s” which should be obeyed as a mark of respect so as to once again, avoid stress to the mediocre brains…

FUCK & English Grammar


Got this as MP3 during my final year college and I’ve forwarded it to Humpty of my friends… Just remembered of it and searched for the MP3 and was lucky enough to get it immediately… Also thought it would be nice to share this wonderful piece of information to you all…

Wish you all can now justify yourself in using this F word…

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the
English language today is the word fuck.
Out of all of the English words that begin with the letter “F”,
fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “F” word.
Its the one magical word, just by its sound can describe
pain, pleasure, hate and love.
Fuck, as most words in the English language,
is derived from German, the verb “ficken”, which means to strike.
In English, fuck falls into many gramatical catagories.
As a transitive verb for instance:
“John fucked Shirley”
As an intransitive verb:
“Shirley fucks”
It’s meaning’s not always sexual.
It can be used as an adjective such as:
“John’s doing all the fucking work”
As part of an adverb:
“Shirley talks to fucking much”
As an adverb enhancing an adjective:
“Shirley is fucking beautiful”
As a noun:
“I don’t give a fuck”
As part of a word:
“Abso-fucking-lutely” or “In-fucking-credible”
And, as almost every word in a sentence:
“Fuck the fucking fuckers”
As you must realise there aren’t to many words with the versatility of fuck.
As in these examples, describing situations,
such as fraud:
“I got fucked at the used car lot”
Dismay:
“Oh, fuck it”
Trouble:
“I guess I’m really fucked now”
Aggression:
“Don’t fuck with me buddy”
Difficulty”
“I don’t understand this fucking question”
Inquiry:
“Who the fuck was that?”
Dissatisfaction:
“I don’t like what the fuck is going on here”
Incompetence:
“He’s a fuck off”
Dismissal:
“Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself”
I’m sure you can think of many more examples.
With all of these multipurpose applications,
how can anyone be offended when you use the word?!
We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.
It will identify the quality of your character immediately.
Say it loudly and proudly…

FUCK YOU

MP3 can be downloaded here

10 AMAZING HEALTH BENEFITS OF SMILING! :)


A smile makes a person more attractive
Unconsciously smile can make people more attractive because there is a certain attraction factor and make someone look better than a frown, scowl or grimace.

A smile can change the mood
Smiling can trick the body so that helps a person’s mood changed for the better. For that if you feel sad, try to smile.

A smile can be contagious
Smiling not only change the mood of the person but also the people around him, and make things happier. This is because a smile can be contagious and bring happiness to others.

A smile can relieve stress
People who are stressed can be seen from his face, but with a smile can prevent a person look tired and exhausted. If you’re stressed, try to take the time to smile, because it can reduce stress, so better able to take action.

A smile increases your immune system
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When someone smiled then increased immune function that makes a person feel more relaxed and protected from diseases such as flu and colds.

A smile lowers blood pressure
When smiling then there is impairment of blood pressure measured. Try to measure blood pressure while sitting at home while reading, then smiled for a minute and blood pressure measured again, it will show the difference.

A smile can release endorphins, painkillers and serotonin
Studies have shown a smile can release endorphins, compounds that can reduce pain naturally and serotonin. All three can make people feel better and become a natural medicine.

Crease a smile on the face can make people look younger
The muscles used to smile lift the face so it can help make people look younger. Therefore try to smile more often which makes feel younger and better.

Smiling can make people seem to be successful
People who smile will look more confident, so much promoted, but it pairs smile at each meeting will have a different reaction.

A smile can help people stay positive
A smile will make people more positive and reduce negative thoughts. By reducing depression, stress and worry it will also increase a person’s health and avoid the risk of various diseases.

Rahul Gandhi Jokes


Rahul Gandhi walks into ICICI Bank to cash a check.

As he approaches the cashier he says, “Good morning Ma’am, would you please cash this check for me?”

Cashier: “It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

RG: “Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Vice President of the Congress Party. future indian PM.

Cashier: “Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements etc., I must insist on seeing ID.”

RG: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

Cashier: “I am sorry sir but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

RG: “I am urging you, please, to cash this check.”

Cashier: “Look Sir here is an example of what we can do.

One day, Sachin Tendulkar came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Sachin he pulled out his bat and made a beautiful shot across the bank. With that shot we knew him to be Sachin and cashed his check.”

Another time, Mahesh Bhupati came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.

So, sir what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, future indian PM, Rahul Gandhi?”

RG stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, “Honestly, my mind is a total blank… There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do; I just don’t have a clue”.

Cashier: “That is perfect,Sir. 500 ke note dun ya 1000 ke?

The Cockroach Theory for Self-development


At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away…

But it landed on another lady in the group.Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.

In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?

He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

We have to realize that it is not the shouting of your father or your boss or your wife that disturbs you, but it’s your inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs you.

It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs you, but your inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs you.

More than the problem, it’s your reaction to the problem that creates chaos in your life.

Lessons learnt from the story:

  • I understood, I should not react in life.
  • I should always respond.
  • The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hand, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

Let’s all Practice this – Let’s RESPOND, NOT REACT !!!

The 99 Club


Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.

One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy.

The King asked the servant, ‘Why are you so happy?’

The man replied, ‘Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don’t need too much – just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies.’

The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King’s woes and the servant’s story, the advisor said, ‘Your Majesty, I believe that the servant Has not been made part of The 99 Club.’

‘The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?’ the King inquired.

The advisor replied, ‘Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant’s doorstep.’

When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy… So many gold coins!

He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, ‘What could’ve happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!’

He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection.

From that day, the servant’s life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.

Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor’s help, the advisor said, ‘Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club.’

He continued, ‘The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they’re always yearning and Striving for that extra 1, saying to themselves: ‘Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life.’ 

We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we’re given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.