Helpers live strange lives.
They give without being asked loudly.
They help without calculating returns.
And when life turns, they are expected to disappear quietly.
No applause. No credit. No memory.
How Helping Slowly Becomes Invisibility
There is a social rule nobody teaches you:
Help is respected only when the helper stands above you.
When the helper stands beside you or worse, falls below you help stops being generosity and starts feeling like obligation.
At that point, gratitude quietly exits the room.
The Helper’s Trap
Helpers often give from sacrifice, not surplus.
They help when they shouldn’t.
They stretch when they can’t.
They assume goodwill compounds like interest.
It doesn’t.
What compounds is expectation.
Soon, the helper is no longer thanked they are approached.
Not remembered but accessed.
And when the helper struggles?
Silence.
The Most Insulting Moment
The hardest part isn’t being refused help.
It’s being asked for help again by the same people who ignored you when you were drowning.
At that moment, the helper realises something painful:
To some people, help is not a bond. It is a habit.
Why Helpers Are Forgotten
A few repeating patterns explain it:
1. Help Without Power Is Uncomfortable
Acknowledging help from a struggling person forces people to confront an unpleasant truth:
I was lifted by someone who is now below me.
So the mind erases the debt.
2. Helpers Disrupt the Success Narrative
People prefer clean stories:
I did it on my own.
Helpers complicate that story.
3. Familiarity Breeds Entitlement
The more quietly you help, the more invisible you become.
Silence is misread as strength.
Kindness is mistaken for availability.
A Darkly Funny Truth
Helpers are remembered in two moments only:
* When they are needed
* When they finally say no
The second moment is when relationships collapse.
Not because you stopped helping
but because you stopped *absorbing disrespect.
What Helpers Must Learn (The Hard Way)
Helping is noble.
But unprotected helping is self-harm.
Boundaries are not cruelty.
Refusal is not betrayal.
Self-respect is not arrogance.
Closing Line
“Helpers don’t regret helping.
They regret forgetting themselves while doing it.”
If you’re a helper, remember this:
Your value is not measured by how much you give but by how well you protect your dignity.
Tag: life lessons
From Restless Waiting to Divine Pause
One thing I’ve always hated is waiting. The second — dropping someone off and hanging around until they return.
As a teenager, my mom often insisted I drop my sister at her tuition classes. I’d grumble, resist, and still end up doing it. Sometimes even my cousin hopped on, and I became the unwilling chauffeur. I’d scoot back home, only to rush again to pick them up. When my grandmother scolded me for complaining, I’d shrug it off and continue hating the waiting.
Fast forward to today — I’m a father. And life, with its irony, has placed me in the same shoes. My daughter goes for her Hindi classes, and the new normal is this: drop her, wait for an hour and a half, pick her back.
I don’t enjoy it. I still hate waiting. But parenting isn’t about what I like — it’s about responsibility.
Yet, something surprising happened. Behind this uncomfortable routine, I discovered a new kind of experience. Since her classes are in downtown Madurai with no cafés or hangout spots nearby, I started spending that waiting time in a famous temple close by.
And there, waiting turned into something else.
The temple’s silence, the chants, the fragrance of incense, and the sight of strangers in prayer gave me peace I didn’t expect. The restless ticking of time became a pause — a divine pause.
Now, I don’t complain. I stand there, soaking in the positive energy, observing life in its simple rhythms, and walking away lighter than I came in.
Maybe waiting isn’t wasted time after all. Sometimes, it’s God’s way of slowing you down.
When Control Slips Away, Fear Steps In
I’ve always believed fear doesn’t come from ghosts in the dark or thunder in the skies. Fear creeps in when you realize life is no longer in your hands — when control quietly slips away.
I felt it most sharply during the two years my dad was hospitalized. Suddenly, the reins of my father’s life weren’t in my grip — they were in the hands of doctors and fate. Every beeping machine, every delayed report, every late-night call felt like a reminder that I had no say in what would happen next. That helplessness was fear in its purest form.
I felt it again during the late evenings when most of my friends were getting married. I feared loneliness — not because I didn’t want marriage, but because it was not in my control. No matter how much I tried, the timelines didn’t align with my wishes. The steering wheel of my life seemed hijacked by something larger.
Legal battles brought their own flavor of fear. I might have been the one fighting, but the reality was — attorneys, judges, and systems controlled the pace and outcome. I was just a passenger waiting at every bend.
And that’s the cruel trick of fear — it feeds on our urge to control. The more we cling to it, the tighter fear grips us.
What I’ve Learned
You can’t control everything. What you can do is:
- Prepare yourself mentally to accept uncertainty instead of resisting it.
- Focus on your response, not the situation — resilience is the only lever you always own.
Because at the end of the day, fortune favours the bold.
Same Room, Different Battles
We all sat in the same classroom, didn’t we? Same chalkboard, same dusty carpet, same lessons on how to spell “success.” The timetable was identical, but life had a different curriculum waiting for each of us.
Some of us went on to be praised, some forgotten, some mourned, some judged, and some completely misunderstood. Behind those identical desks were lives that would one day scatter into destinies no textbook ever dared to predict.
And that’s the truth most of us overlook—the curriculum we were taught barely scratches the surface of what shapes a human being. We learned math, grammar, a little history. But did anyone teach us resilience? Did anyone show us how to process grief, manage anxiety, or break free from generational cycles? We memorized formulas, but no one gave us the tools to heal from invisible wounds.
Life’s real exams aren’t written on paper. They’re the sleepless nights when bills pile up, the quiet battles with self-doubt, the weight of losses no report card ever reflected.
So before you envy someone’s outcome or criticize another’s downfall, pause and remember: we all sat in the same room, but we were fighting very different battles. And no classroom, no syllabus, no chalkboard ever prepared us for that.
Shift in Attachment Patterns
If parenting had a rulebook, I think it would start with one golden line: don’t expect loyalty contracts from kids.
For the first five years, my son was my biggest fan. He backed me blindly — whether I was right, wrong, or just lazy. If I said the sky was green, he’d argue with the whole world to prove it. I secretly enjoyed this “mini-me” support system.
But suddenly, something changed. Slowly, my die-hard supporter began drifting… toward my wife. Now he backs her blindly, just the way he once did for me. At first, I thought it was a passing phase. But no — the boy has switched teams.
Of course, there’s a reason. My wife is the dominant one at home. She sets the rules, decides the flow, and basically runs the show. For a 5-year-old who is figuring out who’s really “in charge,” she looks like the clear captain. And in a child’s mind, siding with the captain is the smartest move.
At first, it stung. I felt like I’d been demoted from “head coach” to “assistant waterboy.” But then I realized — this is just how kids grow. They test attachments, they learn loyalty, they experiment with power. Today he’s Team Mom, tomorrow he might be back on Team Dad, and someday, hopefully, he’ll see us as one team.
Parenting is funny like that. We think we’re raising kids, but half the time, they’re teaching us lessons in patience, ego, and letting go.
So if you’re a parent going through the same — relax. Don’t compete. Build your unique bond. And remember: your kid isn’t rejecting you, he’s just exploring both sides of love.
Because in the end, it’s not about whose side he’s on. It’s about knowing he feels safe on both.
When Dreams Turn Into Daggers
In 2008, six of my friends did something most people only dream about.
They walked away from cozy jobs, steady paychecks, and the warm security of “playing safe” to build something bigger. Something worth remembering. They were all in their late 20s, brimming with fire. They took loans, emptied savings, and pledged the prime of their lives to a single dream.
The world of entrepreneurship, however, wasn’t the romantic adventure they imagined. It was brutal, unforgiving, and often lonely. They worked sleepless nights, took no salary for months, and when they finally did, it was far below what they could have earned elsewhere. They traded comfort for survival, and survival for the hope of victory.
And slowly, painfully, they built a brand — a brand that became a name others admired, a story that inspired.
But today… that story has a bitter ending.
One person’s greed — one — has turned all of that sweat, sacrifice, and shared hardship into ashes.
Three of my friends, who bled for this company for 15 long years, have been thrown out. Not because they failed. Not because they lacked value. But because the man they trusted — a friend — decided he wanted it all.
Money. Power. Control.
The irony? That man is my friend too. And watching him walk the same path as my ex‑business partner is like déjà vu wrapped in heartbreak. I’ve lived through betrayal. I’ve woken up to the taste of iron in my mouth, knowing someone I trusted had buried a knife in my back. I know the hollow it leaves inside you.
He needs to understand — really understand — what it means to crush the very people who carried you through the storms.
He needs to know that the applause he hears today will fade… and karma has the longest memory of all.
And to my friends who were wronged —
I want to tell you this:
Believe in yourself. Stay the course. Don’t let the poison of betrayal seep into the veins of your purpose. Karma takes time, yes… but when it moves, it never misses. I have seen it with my own eyes.
Success built on betrayal is a glass palace. It may look beautiful now, but the cracks are already forming.
And one day, when it shatters, the shards will cut deeper than any knife.
Full Circle, But Not the Same Me
I don’t know if life has come full circle. But it feels like I’m standing at a point where I can see the consequences of every seed once sown — even the ones I regret planting. Time, as they say, is a strange healer. It doesn’t erase the past, but it dulls the sting. The rage, the grief, the helpless ache… they slowly dissolve into a kind of quiet understanding.
But there are scars that no healing touches. Wounds inflicted long ago — not by enemies, but by those I once held close — they carved something permanent into me. Not like the betrayal that came 17 years ago.
Some say, “They’re suffering now. Maybe you could reach out. Offer help. Give solace. Be the bigger person.”
And honestly? I could. By God’s grace, I now stand in a place where I can offer help — financially, emotionally, morally. I’ve walked through fire and come out carrying water. I *could* be that person. But my heart whispers otherwise.
Because some things are not meant to be mended.
There’s a saying in Tamil: **“Pambukku paal vaikkaradhu.”** You don’t offer milk to a snake. Not out of vengeance, but out of wisdom. Some people aren’t meant to return to your life — not because you wish them harm, but because they once destroyed what was sacred. Trust. Friendship. Brotherhood.
What God took away, He did for a reason. And what He gave in return — new people, real allies, relationships born in fire and forged in loyalty — they are my true blessings. I don’t curse the ones who broke me. I don’t wish ruin upon them. But I won’t let them walk back in either.
I’ve made peace, yes. But peace doesn’t mean reunion.
Nostalgia is a Liar – And I Keep Falling for It
There’s a thief that roams around my mind often. It doesn’t steal money, time, or opportunities. It steals my now.
It’s called nostalgia – the most charming liar of all time.
I’ve realized something lately (after deep self-reflection… and one too many walks down memory lane):
We humans have a weird habit of loving what we had, and completely ignoring what we have.
Think about it…
- We miss school when we’re in college.
- We miss college once we start working.
- We miss the rookie hustle when we finally settle into comfort.
- We miss our first love when we marry a beautiful, nag-proof spouse.
- And just when we start enjoying couplehood, kids arrive — and we start missing our couple time.
And it doesn’t stop there.
This disease spreads to professional life too:
- We carry the baggage of past roles, old bosses, and “those glory days.”
- We talk about how things used to be better — instead of figuring out how to make this better.
We keep looking over our shoulder, wishing life had a reverse gear.
But here’s the joke — we’re so busy missing the past that we forget to make the present miss-worthy.
So today, I’ve decided to stop romanticizing what was and start appreciating what is.
No more looking back unless it’s to laugh, learn, or let go.
Because one day, we might miss this moment too — so let’s live it like it’s worth remembering.
Friends in Oblivion: A Reflection on Those Mad, Beautiful Years
They say friendships are the family we choose. But sometimes, life gives us friends we never knew we needed — and takes them away just as unexpectedly.
Between 2008 and 2012, I had a circle that was nothing short of electric. We weren’t just building businesses; we were building each other.
It was a phase of wild nights and wilder dreams. Knowledge collaboration in the day, partying hard at night, getting stoned over the weekends — we did things that today sound crazy and almost unbelievable. But that madness was our glue. It detoxed us from daily business stress, kept us alive, and taught us more than any MBA ever could.
But life, as always, had its own plans.
End of 2012, I got married. My father’s sudden hospitalization soon after shattered that rhythm. One by one, the circle started breaking — some had fallouts among themselves, some quit entrepreneurship, some got into serious personal crises, others moved abroad, and a few simply withdrew into their own worlds.
Then came COVID. Financial struggles and the survival grind tightened the last few threads. I got so entangled in rebuilding my life that those friendships, once my lifeline, drifted into oblivion.
Today, I look back and wonder: What were those friendships? Why did they feel so irreplaceable? Why do they hurt to remember?
What were they really?
Those were what I now understand as situational friendships — connections born out of a specific context, a shared madness, and a common dream. We didn’t become friends because of shared childhoods or family ties, but because we shared the same burning fire in that phase of life.
We were all entrepreneurs — each of us a little broken, a little foolish, yet unshakably hopeful. We learned from each other, fought with each other, and celebrated every tiny win like it was the end of the world.
Why do they fade?
Because life is not a constant. Priorities change. Marriage, kids, health crises, business failures, relocations — all these start pulling us in different directions. Some find new tribes, some retreat into personal solitude, and some get consumed by survival.
There’s no big betrayal or dramatic end — just a quiet drifting apart. A slow fade into silence.
Do I miss them?
Every day.
I miss the impulsive midnight drives, the heated debates that went from business models to philosophical rabbit holes, the sense of belonging to a gang that truly “got it.”
But I also know that those friendships, like beautiful old songs, belong to a time and place that can’t be recreated. They were chapters meant to end, lessons meant to be carried forward, not lived on repeat.
Some friendships are like rivers — they flow into your life, shape your shores, then find their way to the sea. You can’t hold them back, but you can always feel the shape they left on your soul.
A final whisper to that gang
Wherever you all are — running a new venture, teaching your kids to ride a bicycle in Canada, or quietly reflecting on those reckless days — I hope you feel the same warmth when you think of our nights in Adambakkam.
Some friendships are meant to be wild tides — crashing, roaring, unforgettable — before they dissolve into the larger sea of life.
The Day I Hired My Destiny
They say life is nothing but a series of choices — some we make in seconds, some after years of thought. But it’s the unexpected ones, the small decisions on seemingly ordinary days, that end up shaping our destiny the most.
In 2004, I made such a choice.
I hired someone.
That’s it. A routine decision. A resume, a handshake, a promise of a new beginning — it felt like just another Monday on the entrepreneurial calendar.
She was from a small town, working in a call center, holding an MBA in HR but desperate for a break. I saw that raw hunger and decided to offer her a platform — I thought I was enabling a young professional’s dream. Maybe, in some corner of my mind, I even saw a reflection of my own past struggles — that same raw desperation to make it.
I had built my first venture with a dear partner, brick by brick, dream by dream. We didn’t have connections, we didn’t have family money cushioning our falls. All we had was ambition that kept us awake at night and a silent promise to each other that we would make it, no matter what.
But sometimes, we forget — when you open your door wide for someone, they might walk in carrying not gratitude, but greed.
She wasn’t cunning or a mastermind. She was simply short-sighted, hungry for quick luxury, blinded by instant pleasures. While we were busy building a company to stand the test of time, she was busy living in borrowed moments, chasing dinners, perfumes, designer labels — things that glitter only till the lights are on.
In her desperate rush for the high life, she didn’t just stumble — she pulled down everything in her path.
She rattled a ship that was floating on the fragile balance of two young dreamers. She planted doubts, sowed jealousy, whispered false comforts — and before I knew it, the dream I had once guarded like a newborn was thrown out with me.
In 2008, I was pushed out of my own creation. My partner too slowly fell into a pit he couldn’t climb out of. The venture that had so much promise, that spark in our eyes — it all vanished like an unfinished verse in a torn diary.
But the tragedy didn’t spare her either.
The same greed that fueled her steps ultimately consumed her life. She ended up as lost as we were broken — a stark reminder that shortcuts don’t just ruin roads, they erase destinations.
Years later, people still ask me, “What went wrong?”
I don’t blame fate, nor do I hold the world accountable. My only mistake? Hiring the wrong person on that one day in 2004. That single signature on a simple appointment letter shifted the course of twenty-one years of my life.
If I could ask God for just one gift, I wouldn’t ask for money, fame, or even a second chance.
I would simply ask Him to make me dream backwards — just for one night.
A dream where I go back to that fateful day, fix that one decision, and erase that moment when I hired her.
A dream where I see myself and my partner, two young boys with fire in their eyes, running a company that’s recognised, respected, and celebrated by all.
A dream where we are still fighting side by side, laughing over cheap tea, planning crazy ideas that kept us up all night, watching our tiny dream grow into an empire that even we can’t believe we built.
And in that dream, I want to see us standing on a stage, receiving awards, hearing applause, hugging each other with tears in our eyes — whispering, “We did it, against all odds.”
I want to wake up in the morning and still taste that dream, feel its warmth in my veins, carry its fragrance in my mind.
But life doesn’t give us that luxury.
So, I move forward — with scars, with lessons, and with the silent prayer that no one else ever has to learn it the way I did.
AnandNataraj 