Category: Personal

What is my RealSelf?


It is been two years since I’m trying to find my real-self. When I look at myself after decade long career I’m not convinced with my achievements / accomplishments. Still in hunt for pursuit. What do I need? I don’t know. In this 10 years;

  • I choose a career of my like.
  • I choose hobbies of my like.
  • I choose friends of my like.
  • I choose business of my like.
  • Got parents who are very understanding & supporting.
  • Fairly independent when it comes to finances.
  • My second venture Cogzidel Consultancy Services is also picking up and moving on right path.
  • My main technology business is keeping me engaged.

But in spite of all that I’m not convinced / happy. I still keep thinking i’m missing something which I want. My friends advised me it is time to get married. But I’m sure i’m looking something for even better / bigger than marriage or a girl friend.

I must thank my friend for insisting me to watch the movie Fight Club and the Hero in the movie undergoes same problem as mine. Hero is a successful guy in his career and he buys all expensive stuff & enjoys a decent life. But in spite of that he suffers from insomnia and he starts hunting for his realself and he develops a split personality. He creates a fraternity without his knowledge.

Likewise i’m also in search of my realself and not sure how to do it. Not sure what to do and how to do? I’ve no idea. But sooner am planning to visit a buddhist monastery and lead the life of a Monk for couple of months to understand life. But my thought of this is being criticized by others. But I don’t know a method to find ones realself.

Unforgettable Events


There are many events that still lives in my memory and looks like it all happened yesterday;

  • Miss India event in with Sushmitha Sen & Aishwarya Rai contested in the year 1994.
  • Thiruda Thiruda was the first movie I watched by Bunking my Tuition during 1993.
  • Went to watch the movie Khadalan the day before my Maths Quarterly exam during 1994.
  • Cycled all round Chennai at Night with my ex-good Friend during 1995.
  • Watched the movie Ullathai Alli Thaa a day before my Common exams during 1996.
  • My first visit to Bangalore during 1997.
  • My vacation at Mangalore & Mysore during 1997.
  • 1999 New year Celebration at Bangalore.
  • My first day in College during 1997.
  • College trip to MGM Dizzy world during 1998.
  • College tour to Ooty during 1999.

All the above events happened before 2000 and it gives me a feel that I’m still living those days.

Slow day but hectic work


Normally hectic work days moves fast. But this time it was otherwise;

  • As usual replying to email and interacting with people.
  • Then worked a bit on the wired frame for the new project.
  • Dropped Dad in office.
  • Then had a conference call with a friend to get information about some green projects.
  • Then had a Board meeting with Bala after a long time.
  • Then moved for a meeting with Kavi and discussed some new plans.

Are we acting?


Yesterday didn’t plan much to spend some time with my friend. As usual i slept long and started the day by evening. Then I picked my friend and went to Marina beach and from there I took him to a Roof-top restaurant near my house.  We started a formal conversation and after gulping some pegs it became too informal.

I’ve always admired this guy for his self-confidence and enjoying his life to his fullest. He is in his early thirties and still not married. Until yesterday I thought he is pushing his marriage for the sake of his career. Even i strongly believed marriage is a stumbling block for ambitious people like us.

But I was in for a rude shock. This guy on his high confessed that he wanted to get married and he badly needs a companion. I’ve seen a lot for friends who were very desperate for marriage and they have obviously shown that in their behavior.  But this guy has never once he has shown those symptoms.

From then on I was wondering if we are all living a false life? Are we acting?

With this experience I can say we are all living with a masked face…

Chilled out for the day & a day of co-incidence


I’ve decided to take some break form my normal work and do something interesting. That is when I got a message in FaceBook from a person whom I befriended last week in the bus. He was telling me that he wanted to become an entrepreneur and wanted to spend sometime with me to understand / get some of my thoughts on Entrepreneurship. I though that would be the best thing to take a break.

Before getting ready I got another message in FaceBook from a Student. He was asking my thoughts on MBA. This guy has just completed his Under Graduation and wants to pursue his MBA immediately. He said he has not attended any campus interview to continue his studies and also his parents wants him to have a Post Graduation before he going to Job. I recommended him to work for 2 – 3 years before doing a MBA. I’ve shared as must as example as possible. But it is upto the boy to take my point and to convince his parents.

Then I was going through the success story of Mr.Ganapathy of Dosa Plaza which raised my energy. Please go through this link to read about his story “Once penniless in Mumbai, now a crorepati!”

Only then I remembered about the Success Story of another person whom I read a month back and contacted him immediately. I was glad to get a polite response form him and most probably I’d be meeting him tomorrow.

Then I picked my bus mate and spent good time with him. We were sharing our thoughts, plans and ideas. It was mutual learning and infact he had good network of friends who would be of good help for me in my business. So, it was worth the time to spend with him.

Finally when I was about to close the day I got a SMS from a new visitor to my blog;

I have come across your blog by accident. im a sri lankan tamil living in uk.keep da inspiring work sir.god bless .raj ramanan

and immediately he called me. That was very motivating and I was happy that people recognize the small success I’ve made and not it is time to work hard to sustain the success.

A nice meeting & a new friend


Today I had to give an appointment to Deutsche Bank folks because I was chased by their pre-sales caller from Mumbai for almost a week. Then as usual I was late for the meeting because my previous meeting got stretched.

I allowed this guy to talk for couple of minutes where he lists his clientele, products etc. After listening to everything I asked him;

What will they do if they get a proposal from a Startup with an idea?

He said he (the Bank) cant help them. Then I said that is where I’m positioning myself and I wanted to help those people by Seed funding them since they are denied a chance with Biggies.

Then we because close on a personal note and he was talking about his entrepreneur wife who runs a chain of Pre-Schools. I’ve never seen an husband talking that high about his wife. In fact I wanted to meet her and have an interview of her in my blog.

Then we We discussed a lot about other business models, ideas etc. Finally what started as a Business Meet ended as a Friendship Meet and would be glad to meet such energetic guys.

What if I Failed?


When I blogged about completing 10 years as an entrepreneur. After going thru it I though what if I had given up in-between. Frankly I don’t have a perfect answer. On different stages I’d have taken a different call. But I’m thankful to god for making me stay. But I’ve a lot other wishes which were not full-filled because of being an entrepreneur.

  • Wanted to be a monk for 5-6 months.
  • Stay inside a forest or some place where there is not much people.
  • Wanted to start a theatre.
  • Learn some musical instrument.
  • Wanted to be a Single Parent (Inspired by Raveena Tandon & Sushmita Sen)

Probably I’d have pursued something listed above.

10 years of Entrepreneurship & 2 Years for Cogzidel


September has become a special month in my Life as it is during this month that I started my career and that too as an entrepreneur. I still remember it was during September 2000 I started my first company in a Ganesh Temple in Besant Nagar during Ganesh Chadurthi. Then I didn’t know I’d have crossed soo many hurdles & would be blogging about it today.

Also my second venture Cogzidel was started during september 2 years back and again I cant believe it has been 2 years. I can still remember both the days afresh.

It was a wonderful journey which was a mix of;

  • Excitement
  • Learning
  • Experience
  • Betraying
  • Managing Cruelty
  • Criticism
  • Appreciation
  • Recougnization

It took me 10 years in life to understand only half what entrepreneurship is and I’m still learning. Now I’ve a past to show people about my performance. But time to redraw my future & this is how I want my future to be positioned or I want to be or I want to do;

  • Become an Angel Investor
  • Become a Business Mentor
  • Become a professor on Entrepreneurship
  • Experiment / Research on Entrepreneurship like
    • Social Entrepreneurship
    • Holding and scaling an Entity
    • Forming a Company with Crowd Funding
    • Run a Public Limited Company

Just understood where my heart is and slowly moving towards the direction of my passion. Finally on this day I’d like to thank all my friends, relatives & my associates who have helped me reach where I’m today.

I wish 2020 will have a lot more to Share than now.

Life has come a Circle


Thirteen years back when I was in college my neighbors & relatives who were elder to me by 7 – 10 years use to take me for movies. I’d be waiting for weekends and I was not sure then why they were taking all the pains to take me by spending on tickets and snacks for me.

Then after completion of my graduation and after starting to earn I use to goto movies every weekend along with my friends. Problem then was there were different sets of friends (School, College, Neighbor) use to call me at a same time. It was hard to take a choice but i managed by shuffling teams every week.

Then after a time I started approaching my juniors to accompany me for a movie. Yesterday I was in a situation where I wanted to go for a movie. When I approached my juniors whom I took for granted until sometime back CHANGED. When I approached then I started getting reasons my friends use to tell me or Vice-Versa.

Just realized that they have grown and they have become serious in their life. Only yesterday I got an answer “Why I was sponsored for movie by my Seniors”. Now I realize that I was doing a favor for them and they didn’t.

Life has come a full circle and now it is time to drill down and look for young Kids who can give me company.

Traffic Menace


Started the day by waking early in the morning & things started well;

  • Replied to all official emails.
  • Answered all personal emails.
  • Then took a Business Analyst friend of mine to give some advice to my new Business Analyst & also got good insights about Business Analyst practices.
  • Then met a Serial Entrepreneur friend of mine and it was nice interacting with her.
  • Then went to my favorite Aavin parlor in Adyar with my CFO & dropped him back.

It is from here my agony started. From GN Chetty road to reach my home it took 2 hours and I was really irritated. All the good progress in the day got overshadowed by the traffic and unruly drivers in the City. But the time I reached my home I got mentally tired.